We live in a society where we're raised to believe in standards, material things are named by brand and are often status symbols that differentiates the elite from the norm. We're conditioned as humans to associate brands like Movado and BMW as high class luxuries but the conditioning only holds steady with material goods such as cars, electronics and so forth. What about emotional conditioning?

Growing up i was always emotionally mature person even at a young age like 8 or 9. I'm not talking about being a "grown up" when i was at an obscurely young age, i'm talking about wanting to be in a relationship, having a "girlfriend", being with someone i can say i care for. Society has pretty much listed the norm for what most people would say is "the ideal guy"; i've paid close attention to what society has said and have followed very carefully since i was a young boy.

She wants a guy to be funny but knows when to be serious, she wants a guy who can cook but will take her out to eat, she wants a tough guy that can be sensitive, she wants a guy to be expressive and creative, she wants a nice guy but an ass at the same time, she wants a guy who'll spend time with her but give her space, she wants a guy who'll sing even if he can't hold a note, she wants a guy that'll tell her she's beautiful but let her know when that top doesn't match that bottom, she wants a guy who's smart and show her new things but is traditional, she wants a guy who's adventurous but is fine with staying home; the list can go on and on but in one way or another one cannot deny the the simplistic truth.

Society has spoken and has defined what a guy "should be" so in return shouldn't the guy get a girl with at least some of the qualities? I've spent my entire life devoting to perfecting the list, i've spent my entire life deciphering the list so that i can finally be that "ideal guy" and in turn what happens? ladies are short, finding the cure to cancer or the fountain of youth seems easier than finding a meaningful relationship. the scarce that are available have not a single mind to even consider what is on the list. you can cook? you can sing? you can this, you can that? none of them care. you're pop cultured and smart? they're not cultured or smart and will never understand. Have i wasted my whole life then?

So has society wronged me? conditioned me for the greatest moment of my life but lead me to complete failure, i've adapted to be the ideal but ending up as the lonely; this function of culture and society is completely broken, leaving the emotionally matured to suffer alone in the dark. maybe it's not because society has failed me, but that i, as an individual, am broken and the conditioning that i've had has developed me into a tragic malfunction and that is why i mourn and suffer alone.

This is mere fraction of what i feel, my role now is to wait until someone out there can prove me wrong or prepare for a destined life of the lone wolf.